This blog first appeared on the Divine Openings website. Divine Openings™ offers Grace and the conscious mind tools to help you raise your vibration and live life more AS your Large Self. This post describes some of the ways you can step into that Larger perspective now--and how reclaiming own power makes you the most effective force for postitive change in the world. If you've read Things Are Going Great In My Absence or my new Divine Openings Playbook it may make more sense. If you haven't, an adventure awaits!
Thanks for reading!
We're in this together,
Post-election, there are always compelling urges on both sides to understand what went right or wrong and find ways to proclaim ourselves (and our side) right; I've certainly felt that tug this past week. But right and wrong (and my side and your side) are small-self narratives. When we buy into these stories, we have small-self experiences. We’re seeing evidence of this all around us.
People disconnected from their Large Selves become people disconnected from each other (and from the planet). Disconnection is the root of the despair, grief, fear, hatred and anger so many are feeling.
Throughout this election cycle, building walls has become an appropriate metaphor. Across the political spectrum people have been building walls with whatever narrative of right and wrong makes them feel better. We all want to feel better; it’s what fuels our desire to grow and change. But we can only grow and change a limited amount if we’re trying to do it from inside a fortress.
Divine Openings shows us how to dismantle our walls and gets us pointed in a Large-Self direction, beyond stories or experiences of right and wrong. This is always the most powerful place to create from. Look at the Instrument Panel (at bottom): courage, seeing possibilities, hopefulness, positive expectation, passion, and empowerment--all requirements for positive, lasting and sustainable change--are vibrational attributes of an increasingly Large Self experience.
I want to stay pointed in that direction, so here are a few things I’ve been trying to remember and practice the past few days.
First, my Large Self doesn’t see things as right and wrong. So I’ve been spending more moments beyond time and space and rightness and wrongness, simply communing with The Presence.
Here, I feel acceptance, peace and even joy, no matter what is going on around me. I experience the freedom of being independently happy, and I find that the more I marinate in this special sauce, the easier it is to soften and come back to myself when I realize I'm letting outer people, places and things determine how I feel.
How I feel is too important to let others determine! That makes me feel like a victim, saps my power and simply feels bad. Nurturing my relationship with The Presence feels good, and feeling good keeps me pointed in a Large Self direction. That's where my real power is. When I am self-empowered, my actions are always more effective. I'm also more able to let others claim their power, and feel less threatened when they do.
If I notice myself judging (making others wrong) or being defensive (protecting myself from others making me wrong)--and I do, quite often--I first of all try not to make myself wrong for feeling how I feel. Of course I know that compassion, empathy and understanding are more conducive for positive change, but if I’m not there yet, I’m not there. How I feel is how I feel. There's always a good reason for it, given the whole of my life experience (this is true for all of us...).
I invite movement and change by reminding myself that change happens easier when I'm not pushing against something--that the only way to get where I want to go is to be where I am first. I remember that the more self-acceptance I’m able to practice, the easier it becomes to accept others where they are, and that this creates the safety for walls to come down. Acceptance moves me past right and wrong to “it simply is. What now?” It creates space for new possibilities.
So I drop into my body and feel where I experience the compulsion to either judge or defend and invite myself to get curious about how it feels physically in my body. Both vibrations seem to emerge from the same hard, insistent energy in the middle of my stomach. Underneath that pushy, almost queasy energy ("Danger! Keep out!"), there’s vulnerability. So I soften a little more and meet myself there, as tenderly as I can. Tenderness lets me go deep and allows what’s deep in me to soften in my presence.
Our small selves need our tenderness. Because being right is integral to the small self’s sense of identity, it's hard-wired to protect us from feeling wrong. If our basic sense of well-being or security or worthiness is at all hooked into what happens out there or what other people think of us, our defense mechanisms get pretty strong. We go to crazy lengths not to feel this vulnerability.
But until we do, nothing out there is really going to change very much. If we’re ever going to get past right vs. wrong (good vs. evil, us vs. them) and learn how to create things that feel better for everybody (or at least tip the scale in that direction), that big, sticky, vibrating mass of fear needs to move.
It moves when we stop and feel it...when we stop judging, stop defending, and simply start being with how things are this minute, with as much tenderness as we can access right now. When we press pause, we move into the space beyond right and wrong. Things just are: We are angry. We are sad. We are scared.
We can no longer deny that collectively, we haven’t been feeling. Rather than slow down and show up, we’ve tried to outrun, out-blame and out-judge our feelings--especially our fear. The reason I know this for sure is because there is so much of it in world right now. Our avoidance and resistance is creating more of it. Some of us have been more insulated from its manifestations than others. But increasingly, none of us are untouched, in some form or another.
This is core fear--fear of being existentially unsafe. It’s fear of being wrong. Not wrong for this or that: it’s the fear of being wrong--and of being found out. It's the fear we experience when we are disconnected from our Large Selves, from the part of us that knows and experiences its inherent rightness and security and connection with all things.
I think this is something many of us all have in common.
And if that’s true, then I can’t think of a better time to acknowledge this truth and move this vibration. Perhaps we will experience our shared humanity in the process.
To raise it, we don't have to make or prove ourselves right. That's how the small self deals with fear and vulnerability, but look where this has gotten us. Fear-based small-self solutions make problems worse.
Instead, we need to become willing to acknowledge and feel our fear and vulnerability--the lie of our unworthiness. This is what expands us towards our true Large Self experience. When we stop defending against the lie, we increasingly experience the truth that already exists: at our core, we are worthy, powerful and right. Imagine the world we could create if more of us knew this!
Yes, the fear feels big, but still--it's just a vibration.
Remember that. Just because there’s so much of it doesn’t make it any different than any other vibration we raise through acknowledging, accepting (as in, “it’s happening,” not as in “I like it”) and allowing ourselves to feel. It doesn’t mean we need to “work” any harder or longer... the process is just the same. And with Divine Openings, things can move quickly.
If you’ve been around Divine Openings for a while, you know that we have to do very little to evolve. We don’t process, heal, clear and fix. Instead, we become willing and allow. Grace helps. If you’re new to Divine Openings, here’s your opportunity to experience how it works--and that it does.
So what do we do in the face of so much fear and so much that seems wrong?
How can we look at what’s going on out there and not get swept into the story of right and wrong?
1. We connect with our Large Selves and experience the rightness that’s at our core, and that’s also at the core of every other person.
2. We acknowledge our own vibrations of fear and vulnerability. When we feel the urge to judge or defend, we drop the story and feel the feeling in our body. We remember that emotional energy is meant to move and rise, so we intend to get out of the way and let it. In The Presence, where this allowing happens, we learn to accept our own feelings.
As a result, we become more able to understand and accept the feelings of others people. This paves the way for real dialogue to begin. Real dialogue can't happen until this begins to happen...until people are able to listen. And to listen, we need to know how to stop, let down our walls and show up without judgment and defense.
As we learn to show up for ourselves and reclaim our own power, we become able to show up for others and help them reclaim their power.
3. We pay attention to the stories we’re telling.
“He or she or this or that is wrong.”
Okay, but here’s the thing. When we judge and make things wrong, there’s always a belief that we cannot feel better until the wrong thing gets fixed. But judging and making something wrong literally fixes that thing in place and prevents it from moving in a better-feeling direction. It creates resistance, and “what we resist, persists.” This isn’t just some trite cliché. Judging and making things wrong keep them stuck. And we remain stuck with them.
This can be a good reminder for the mind when it gloms onto something wrong with its divisive death grip: we remind ourselves that judging and focusing on problems only glues things in place and puts limiting conditions on our happiness and well-being.
4. We remember that everything can serve to clarify our desires, and that contrast truly can be a friend and mentor. Perhaps we have experienced the magic that happens when desire and willingness come together and hit critical mass, when poof – our visions unfold with a grace and ease that break all the mind’s rules. So we remind ourselves of this now and allow desire to emerge from unwanted things we’re currently experiencing.
5. We take control of our attention. Rather than fixating on what’s wrong and trying to fix it, we figure out what we want and we turn in that direction. When we do, we realize it’s easier to create anew than to fix old broken things. We ask, “why couldn’t we create miraculous things?”
We turn our attention to things that feel real and true. We look for things that are right in the world and appreciate the heck out of them. We connect with people and support organizations that uphold our vision and values. We live our best life and put that vibrational possibility out into the collective.
6. If there are people we just cannot find a way to not make wrong, then we make it okay to be where we are. And perhaps we accept the invitation to really show up and be where we are and just feel how the push of that wrongness feels in our body. That’s always a good landing place.
7. But if there are relationships where we do want greater understanding or connection, we intend to show up more fully. Perhaps the following can help. Below is a short section from my new Divine Openings Playbook, not by way of flagrant promotion (although it does offer a glimpse into one aspect of the book’s form) but simply because I can’t think of a better way to say it right now:
PLAY ALONG: Nurturing Outer Connections
The small self sees everyone as separate from it. The Large Self knows the interconnectedness and unity of all life. This isn’t something your small self can understand, logically. It can only be experienced. You experience it more and more as your vibration rises and you move towards the experience of your Large Self.
We live in bodies and bodies have preferences. Don’t make your small self wrong for this. You can discern. You can dislike people, behavior and circumstances. Just know that when you make them wrong, you prevent them from changing. And you suffer because you believe you can’t feel better until the wrong thing is fixed.
We absolutely need to call out hurtful behavior. There’s work to be done. But let’s do it from as high a vibration as we can.
Let’s take responsibility for our part in having kept these old, divisive dynamics in place, and then let’s cultivate a desire and willingness to be responsible for our own rightness. Let’s embrace the places we recoil from in fear and learn to be there for ourselves. Let’s love ourselves fiercely when we do. Let’s meet ourselves more often in this sacred, all-inclusive present moment. Let’s build such a strong habit of worthiness that we no longer need the world’s mirror of wrongness in order to feel right. Let’s build such an inner reserve of self-acceptance that it spills over into our surroundings.
Let’s use this time to anchor in the teachings we know to be powerful and effective.
Let’s find ways to make these times right.